“Our” Story
“No measure of time with you will be long enough. But let's start with forever.” -EC
There’s quotation marks around “our” story because it’s not really ours. This story is the one given to us by our good, heavenly Father and we are so incredibly thankful for it. As wild, unpredictable, and fast-paced as it has been - we wouldn’t change a single thing. It’s almost like God knows what He’s doing, huh?
So…we want to share “our” story for a few reasons:
#1 Sharing our story will attest to God’s goodness, provision, and perfect will. This story also reminds us that God’s ways are not ours but they are infinitely better.
#2 We hope that our story may help someone experience freedom from man-made traditions, the opinion of people, and antiquated rules around dating/engagement/marriage.
#3 We want to encourage you. Whether you’ve been married for 20 years, single, dating, or altogether unsure - there is nothing quite like a good love story to lift our spirits.
This is a long story but short in it’s own way and well worth the read, I think…
The Beginning…
It all started from my annual search to compile a list of books I wanted to read throughout 2022. Every year, I put together a reading list made from recommendations, blogs, etc. This year I discovered the wonderful world of ‘BookTok’ (aka the massive corner of TikTok for those who love to read). I began to scroll through random videos and put some good recommendations on my list when I stumbled upon this charming, blue-eyed guy talking about one of his recent reads. I went over to his account and quickly noticed that his profile stated he loved Jesus and his favorite book to read was the Bible. I’ll admit…I judged that last part because who can really say their favorite book to read is the Bible?! It was safe to say my interest was piqued so I scrolled through a few more of his videos. He had a large following and hundreds of likes/comments on his videos so it wasn’t like I expected him to notice my tiny account. (Also, it just proves that God has a sense of humor because I gave TikTok so much crap. It was well-known that I hated this platform and thought it was trash).
I JOKINGLY sent a screenshot of one of his videos to my best friend Kelly and said, “I just met my future husband. No big deal.” It should be noted that I had not engaged in one single conversation with this man and didn’t know him from, well, Adam. That text was a complete joke. It didn’t take long before Kelly did what she does best and found out everything about this guy…his home state, his Instagram, probably his social security number, too.
A few days pass and I get a message (which you can see below) from drumroll THE GUY FROM TIKTOK. As you can also see below…I was totally playing it cool (L O L). Before you know it, he is messaging me about a blog post that I had written and I was floored. Not only did this guy message me out of hundreds of people commenting/liking his videos but he also found my blog, took the time to read through a few posts, AND engaged in intelligent conversation with me about it? No way. He’s not real. I was convinced this was a joke.
Within a few days, I was talking with this guy all throughout the day. I found myself laughing at his jokes and memes, getting his sense of humor, wanting to learn more about him, and asking him a million questions. He was charming, honest, kind, patient, thoughtful, intentional…and I, well, I was swept off my feet before I even knew what was happening. Cautiously optimistic and pleasantly surprised would be two ways to describe how I was feeling during these early days. I knew that I couldn’t begin dating this guy without meeting him and just my luck, he lived 9+ hours away.
This feels like a good place to share a few things that may help you understand how weird all of this was for me…
#1 I was NOT looking for a relationship. In fact, I had recently told my friends and family that I was really happy serving Jesus and living my life as a single woman. I truly meant that. My mindset towards dating was essentially: “As a single woman, I was doing more for the kingdom of God than most married people.” I was approaching every conversation about dating with that in mind. What could they offer me to continue building the kingdom of God better together than I already was alone?
#2 I do not enjoy flying. In fact, I have to get medicine from a doctor to overcome anxiety around flying. Flying to see anyone, let alone a complete stranger, was not in my comfort zone. Even my friends said this was very out of character for me.
#3 I am a planner. I do not like change. I am the least spontaneous person I have ever met. Talking to a guy online was a big enough risk for me let alone flying to meet him all by myself. These are the things every horror story is made of, right? Yet I found myself on a plane flying alone to NY to meet Adam. Crazy.
By this point, Adam had shared that he knew he wanted to marry me from the first time he messaged me. I, on the other hand, would take some convincing. A few good friends of mine encouraged me to go visit Adam in NY. So, against my personal comfort and aversion to flying, I bought a ticket and agreed to meet this complete stranger. My friend Maridy was convinced that I would know if Adam was a “yes” or “no” the minute I met him. And she was completely right…
The Middle…
The moment I met Adam outside of the airport, I felt completely safe. He was even more charming, funny, and intentional in person. He was a little nervous, but the cute kind and I was very comfortable. It was a beautiful trip. We went to a Book Village, we went ice skating outside underneath a Christmas tree (think Hallmark movie), and had an unforgettable trip to the Hudson River. It was the best weekend of my life.
After a few weeks of talking almost nonstop, dozens of FaceTime calls, my first NY trip, and praying together almost every night we started dating. It was a whirlwind and came out of nowhere but I had such a peace about Adam. I wasn’t worried, it didn’t feel forced, and most importantly, I felt like he had already sharpened me to look more like Jesus in the few weeks I had known him. His love for God rivaled my own, which is something I had never experienced before.
Since Adam knew he wanted to marry me from day one, it wasn’t long before we started having serious conversations about our future. Would he move to NC? Would I move to NY? Jobs? Where would we live? What would we do? Would we get married this year or next? We talked a lot about all of our options but the thing I love the most, is we prayed even more than we talked about it. We truly had a peace that God would align our steps, show us what to do, and make everything happen in His timing.
By this time, even though I wanted to move to NY, I knew that God has not released me from the work I was doing in Johnston County. I didn’t share that with Adam because I wanted God to reveal our next steps to him apart from my opinion. I prayed throughout this time that God would clear it up and tell us what to do. He certainly did.
Adam called me one day and told me that he was moving to NC. He already picked the date and told his family. I was the last to find out. God was directly answering my prayer. This wasn’t an easy choice. Adam is very close to his family and had never left NY before. We didn’t know where he would stay or what he would do. This choice was completely on faith. And even though I asked a million times, “are you sure?” he was always so calm and steadfast. He decided that I wasn’t through with the work God called me to do in NC and so he would live here while we dated as he pursued my hand in marriage (picture me swooning). He’s seriously the best.
These were the months that flew by. Adam called me every night to pray for me, texted me Scripture every morning, watched live for every one of my speaking engagements, and wrote me a poem almost every day. He pursued my heart in a way that confirmed God’s intentions for dating and love. Although our dating period was quick when compared to most, Adam made sure it was so intentional. It was during these months that I became sure I loved him and that he would, in fact, make me more like Jesus every single day that we were together.
I kept our dating life really private for a few reasons. First, when you live in a small town and are in a public ministry, everyone thinks they get an opinion about your life and gossip spreads fast. I had been hurt by gossip so many times before, mainly from those who I loved and respected, and I decided that I didn’t want to experience that again. Secondly, too many things are done for the wrong reasons these days - popularity, to gain a following, for the approval of others. My only goal in dating Adam was to be better for the kingdom of God together than we were apart. If that failed to happen, I would have gladly ended our relationship (spoiler alert: it never happened). Lastly, I wanted to be sure about Adam before I shared him publicly. I wanted to date him free from the opinions and gossip of others. Our family and close friends knew and supported us - that was all that mattered to us. I don’t regret this decision at all. We had THE BEST time dating during these months away from everyone else. I wouldn’t trade those months for anything in the whole world.
The Proposal…
Early May, Adam planned a NY trip for me to come meet his sister and niece. I didn’t fully realize at the time but that was the weekend he planned to propose to me. This man…goodness, if I wasn’t sure before the proposal, I was definitely sure after. He planned the whole weekend around things he knew I loved. The way he proposed was straight from a Hallmark movie designed specifically for me…
He wrote a book and had it waiting on the shelf of our favorite bookstore in our favorite village. Not only that but he had been corresponding with the shop owners (who I grew to love from a previous trip) and got them to open an hour early for a private proposal. I was blown away.
The most special part, however, was what he wrote inside of the book. What Adam didn’t know was that I had been praying for a few weeks leading up to this trip for God to answer a few fears I was battling: could I trust Adam? What could I expect from him in marriage? Was he safe for me? How could I know what I was getting? What if he wasn’t who he said he was? I had experienced such tremendous heartbreak before that committing fully to anyone terrified me.
I never voiced these fears to Adam because it was something I was working on alone with the Lord…and I was amazed that every page of the book Adam wrote answered the questions I asked God privately. I tell everyone that I cried so much while reading the book because it felt like God was saying “I heard you. He’s safe. You can trust him.”
It was the easiest yes I’ve ever said. Adam truly thought of everything and made this the most magical, romantic weekend I’ve ever experienced. I knew from the first page that God had allowed Adam to cross my path so that we could get married and serve Him together.
Currently…
It should come to no surprise to you who have made it this far that Adam and I got married (hint: this website is called “Rachel Gardiner” for a reason). To give you the big picture of our entire relationship up to this point…
Adam messaged me on January 13, 2022.
We started dating on February 1, 2022.
Adam proposed on May 28, 2022.
We got married on July 1, 2022.
Quick, right? Yeah, I know. Especially for someone who likes to plan and hates change. But…hear me out…
We faced so many opinions, judgements, and traditions during our relationship. EVERYONE we talked to had an idea of how long we should date, how long we have to be engaged, and when it was acceptable to get married, how we should announce it to the world - ALL of those opinions were different. Every single person had something different to say about dating and marriage. It was a whirlwind of human tradition and antiquated philosophy. It often left me frustrated and confused.
If we had based our entire relationship on everyone else’s opinions, how could we say that we are surrendered to God? Although the speed of our story took many, including myself, by surprise it did not surprise God. He confirmed each and every step. We prayed without ceasing and had those in our close circles praying with and for us, too. We asked our multitude of counselors to pray with us and for wisdom throughout our relationship. We measured our actions, thoughts, plans, and hearts against Scripture. At the end of all of that, we decided that God had given us such a gift in being together. Not only were we in love but we had grown to become best friends. Being apart was increasingly difficult and we knew that God had given us the green light to get married.
Being married to Adam is just as lovely as dating him. People tell me all the time that our first year of marriage is the hardest. I sort of feel guilty every time I have to say, “…but it’s not for us. It’s so easy.” I’m not sure if it is because we were both older, wiser, and knew what we wanted or if our relationship is a true miracle from God or all of the above, but two months into being married to my best friend and the only regret I have is not meeting him sooner so I could love him longer.
If I could tell you anything, if our story could prove one thing, it would be to put more trust and hope in God than you do anywhere else. My hope and happiness and contentment is not found in other people, their approval, or even my relationship with Adam. It comes directly from God being who He says He is. He has blown our minds by bringing us together and we believe the best days are ahead. We have so much hope for what is to come and are incredibly thankful for where we’ve been. We wouldn’t trade this story or the timeline or any of it. It is the one God gave us and He is the best author.
