We Know How This Ends
"Can you imagine how much less anxiety, fear, angst, and heartbreak we would have if we could only trust God? I don't mean just saying we trust God because it's the Christian thing to say. I don't mean just singing words of trusting God because it's in the praise song. I mean having a marked moment. A real live moment we can point to and remind ourselves that we declared we will trust God with this suffering. With this disappointment. With this situation." -Lysa Terkeurst, It's Not Supposed To Be This Way
I wish I could reach back in history and hand these words to the disciples who, on this exact day thousands of years ago, were wondering if they put their trust in the right Man as they watched Him take His final breath on the cross.
I also don't want to admit some of the things I'm about to share with you. I like feeling strong and steadfast, remaining certain in times of pain. I want to be a shining example of light to you, which I often confuse with being perfect. I want you to experience life so fully in the goodness of God that you don't ever have to doubt Him, but that isn't my reality and it's probably not yours either.
In this season plagued with the Corona virus, stay at home orders, an economy crash, worldwide panic, and so much fear I have to be honest with you and tell you that I've wondered what the heck God is doing. I know, I know...good Christians don't admit that they question God but for the sake of keeping things 100% real I don't care too much about being a "good" Christian. I care a lot more about being real and having a real encounter with Him. I also don't believe for a second that He flinches at our questions. After all, if His ways are higher than ours how will we ever even begin to understand if we don't ask Him?
This season has the same smells and thoughts of the time where I packed my younger brother's belongings and moved him into my house, leaving behind a broken and alcoholic mom who I couldn't help. It also feels very similar to the season where I thought I was dating the guy of my dreams only to realize he was not who I thought he was at all. This season reeks of doubt, fear, anxiety, and temptation.
I've watched people on social media become polarized, standing fearlessly behind their black and white words on a screen, pointing fingers at everyone else who isn't doing it right. I've watched as people carelessly heap destruction upon others with their words because they hold different opinions. I have read so many heartbreaking stories of seniors who won't graduate, parents grieving their child's first birthday, families being ripped in half by the death of a loved one, parents losing their jobs...I know you understand because you've seen it, too.
And through all of this I have questioned God. Why? How could this be good? Can we trust You? Do You actually know what You are doing?
This morning I found myself buried under these questions as I watched an elderly woman, who I've come to be close friends with at our local dog park, throw the tennis ball for her aging pup. I wondered to myself if she was going to make it through this and if I would get to see her again. As she packed up her 4 dogs and crept along the fence towards her car, I found myself looking a lot more like the disciples did on Good Friday than I would care to admit.
I have read through the account of Jesus' crucifixion multiple times and each time I come away thinking, for the lack of better words, how dumb the disciples were. Jesus had been telling them that this was coming FOREVER. How in the world did they not trust Him to be good enough, to fulfill His promises to them, to rise again...........................OH.
Now do you understand why I didn't want to write this? I'd much rather tell you a story of how my incredibly strong faith was rewarded or how I never, ever doubted God but that wouldn't be true. For perhaps the first time in my short years following Jesus, I find myself sympathizing with the disciples during Easter week. Those events must've been so extremely hard and confusing and terrifying. I wish I could hold Peter's hand as he wept and ran away. I want to comfort Mary as she witnessed her Son being nailed to a tree. I want to tell them that this isn't the end, it's only the beginning, and we can, in fact, trust Him.
"I am telling you now before it happens so that when it does happen you will believe I am who I am." -Jesus in John 13:19
He already told them that He would be everything they needed, that He alone would come back to rescue them, and that He was worth trusting. If you are anything like me and the disciples, you probably have questioned God a few times yourself. While I can't go back and comfort them, I can reach through this screen and comfort you.
Did you lose your job? Are you living each day in fear of losing your elderly parents? Are you helping a senior grieve the lost of this milestone year? Are you looking around and wondering when He will show up? Are you scared, alone, worried that you don't know what's coming?
Let me share some peace with you, my friend. Sunday is coming and the grave cannot hold Him. Just like He shared with the disciples everything they needed to know, He has already told us how this ends and guess what? He wins.
I am positive that on Good Friday the disciples weren't convinced of His victory, but imagine how they felt on Sunday when the grave that once held Him was revealed to be empty? How do you think they felt when they saw His face as He came back to them, to fulfill His promise, to keep His word?
And sitting behind this screen I want to hold your hand at your kitchen table and whisper, He is risen, friend. Even though we can't SEE the evidence of His victory on Good Friday we can trust that it is coming nonetheless. Although we don't have the answers to get the world through this pandemic we can remind each other that we know how this ends. Even though I feel more like doubting Thomas these days, Jesus has already told us what is coming so that we can trust in who He says He is. He is the only One who has ever beaten death, raised dead bones to life, spoke galaxies into existence, and defeated hell.
On this Good Friday that looks a lot like the Good Friday where Jesus was crucified...I am choosing to trust that it doesn't end here. I am quietly anticipating Sunday while worshipping God through the unknown. I will take Lysa's words to heart and put trust where my fear is. I want to remember that while the disciples were human and while God doesn't hide from our questions, I can trust Him. You can trust Him. And we don't need all the answers to do that because, well, we know how this ends. He wins.
